so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
