I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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