Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
