Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize