sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
