Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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