Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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