She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
