i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She needs sedatives and a leash
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
