I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
