I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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