Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
