What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize