I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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