I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
