Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
