omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
