We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
