I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
