Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
