You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We had to coat check the pizza.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How does it feel to date your dad?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
