So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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