Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
