you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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