I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
