The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
