so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
