you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Randomize
