turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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