WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
