so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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