i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
