Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Randomize
