I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
