If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
