Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
