Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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