He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
