So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
