Capitaan dildo arrescate!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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