so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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