I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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