So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
