The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
