Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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