Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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