I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
