u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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