just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
