Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
