I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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