are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
