some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
