So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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