apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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