Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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