Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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