Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
