I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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