Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
