last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
