it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
