I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
