you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
