so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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