I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm like, not good at living.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
