Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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