Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
