Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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