Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
