If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
