I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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