I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
