i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
