She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
