I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
