she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
