yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
