So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
