There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
