Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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