I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
