I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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