just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
