I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
