The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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