what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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