There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
