I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize