Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
