You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
