went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
