My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
