did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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