forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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