I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
