For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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