grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We are all done wearing pants today
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
