I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
