It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
