Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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