Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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