You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
birth control should be required to get into college
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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