why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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