I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
