So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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