recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
